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Deena, our cat that has terminal liver cancer, is very lethargic. She is not her usual playful self. She shrinks away from being petted. Her abdomen is bloated. She has trouble squatting to use her litter box. Pat has decided to call the mobile vet tomorrow. The vet will come to the house and give Deena a lethal injection within the next few days. We will bury her in our yard, and will get a memorial stone with her name on it to mark the grave.

I feel like I have to be strong for Pat, even though I am facing a horrible unknown illness.

Pat took pictures of the cat with her cell phone. I posed next to Deena in one of them. I smiled for the picture, even though there is a pall of sadness over me.

Today I am realizing that all I have in life is what is called "stuff" It has no meaning.

My uncle died yesterday so, we will be heading to a viewing and funeral this week.

I never realized that leaving a violent man in marriage that you would be left alone. Everyone encourages you to go but, then they don't stick around to help. I have a church that told me how to do and then I did what they said and now they look the other way. It gets lonely many days

I see the neurologist tomorrow. I do well for a while, then have some sort of episode where I can hardly move and am in great pain.

Today I walked a mile to the store and went shopping. As the afternoon went on it became harder to move.Pat drove me home on her way home from work. I could barely walk throught the door. I sat in the easy chair for an hour. Pat had to help me up the stairs. I was huffing and puffing like I had just run a marathon.

I laid in bed for about 20 minutes and felt like an invalid. I made myself get upand fill the CD player with my favoriteCDs. I am in severe pain sitting here. But it is better than laying in bed and staring at the cieling.

If you can walk and don't have pain, you are very fortunate. Don't take health for granted. You never know when it will be taken away.

Monday, June 18 - 9:15 p.m.

Ron continued to have a good day - moving his head and looking around his room. He is also still communicating by moving his head and eyebrows. Thanks for your continued prayers and thoughts.

Dear journal,

today was very boring and i just couldnt stop shoving my face full of stale food because i dont eat right and depression does it to me because i think im so fat!!! so basically everyone even my dork thinks im anerexic but u kno what idk if i was being anerexic today. Because i usally am anerexic. But w/e!!! Thumper went home today and left me just hanging. I tlkd to my dorks mom linda because i always go over to his house with a couple of friends and she sat me down descussing my anerexic issue and how mad chris is at me for saying im fat when he and everybody else says im not even though i am. So thats proble why he doesnt tlk to me like he used to or look at me. g2g i have to eat dinner and its speggetii!!!!!!!!yyyyyuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY

Dear Readers,

I have not been on in a couple weeks but lately its been nothing but drama! On Saturday It was the PUERTO RICAN DAY PARADE and I was on a float with Outbreack (Spanish Rapper) and my sister Celia. After the parade, we all were unloading the float and my dad had just gotten to where we were. I was feeling sick in my stomach and head! I was going up to my dad crying and saying: "Dad, it hurts! Dad, it hurts!" After that I blacked out and fainted! It was about 90 something degrees there! I was de-hydrated and I had a 100% polyester dress on! I was so scared! Half the time, whenI was in my breakdown and my body shut down, I thought it was a dream and I foregot it was happening to me but when I felt the pain I said it wasn't! Everyone was rushing around me and I was gasping for air! It hurt like crazy! Good thing police officers were there! They took my blood pressure when I was standing up and feeling better! For breakfast that day, I had 1 egg and that was all I ate! I never thought I would have that expierience! Something else that was terifying happened to me and my mom last week! My dad, mom, brother, and I were taking a bike trip down at the forest preserves! Unfortunately, we had foregotten about the Cicadas and as soon as we got there, one of then got on my mom and she dropped her Gatorade and it busted! We both did not want to be there but she forced me to go forgeting about the bugs! After wards me and my mom split up from my brother and my dad un-none! Me and my mom came back to the car and waited for the guys! We eventually left without them on our bikes cause we did not have a cell phone or the car keys! Me and my mom stopped at Red Lobster and used their phone to call my brother! He hgad his phone! They both came and picked us up and we went home! The bugs were terrible!